06 February 2015

Batting for the Other Team?

"You would have to be half mad to dream me up.” ~ Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland
I dreamt of you last night, although I do not even know you.  The only connection I have with you is that you were once married to J, who is a very close friend of mine.  Your relationship with J left very deep scars on him - scars so deep that the cuts are still very prominent on him.  I dreamt of you last night, and of your ethereal beauty.  I dreamt of your silky skin and your flawless features.  I touched you in my dream last night, my hand caressing your soft face.  I even kissed you, softly and fully on your cherry red lips, and as you pulled away from my kiss and walked away, I remember feeling lost and desperate.  I wanted you in my life, but you turned away from me, and you told me that you and I were never going to be.

I woke up feeling empty and depressed, and you had belonged to me only for a brief second in my dream.  I can now empathize how J must feel -- loving you but not having you.  His loss of you is very real.  Mine was just a dream.

Sometimes, love does hurt.

I have been frustrated recently.  In every aspect of my life.  Professionally, in my private life, in my thoughts, in my heart, and in my body.  I feel a huge influx of stresses, and I am looking for a way to release them.  Neither meditation nor exercise is enough anymore.  I was thinking of going to a bar one night, meeting a stranger, and just getting a good shagging.  I've never had a one night stand before.  I was thinking it might not be a bad time to start.  Who knows - it might even be liberating.

10 comments:

  1. Liberating indeed. :-)

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    1. I'll get back to you on this. I still haven't gone out there. :-)

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  2. I have nominated you for the versatile blogger award! I have further information on my blog:
    http://josephinebeth.blogspot.co.uk/2015/02/versatile-blogger-award.html

    Always supporting and voting for you.
    Josephine Beth-xx

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    1. Thank you so much! I'll come check out your blog. :-)

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  3. I hope it helped you to think about that and 'get it out there', as it were.
    You never asked for my thoughts, but if you don't mind me giving you them, all I can say is that I've been in that 'wanting a good shag' place. I spoke to someone about it, and they said something like 'you never know if they're going to stay as one night stands'. So I guess I learned that what we plan to want may not end up that way - we may either not 'get the shag the way we want', or we may end up in a long-term relationship, just as a couple of examples.

    Sorry, I'm rambling now!

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    1. Martin, thank you! I always appreciate other's points of view. You are right. Sometimes we go in planning for a particular outcome, and as we all know, not everything goes as planned. I still have to go out there and "experiment." I'll let you know how it goes. :-) Ramble away!

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  4. Hi Nova
    I am sorry to hear your feeling frustrated and unhappy but I think going out with the aim of “having a one night stand” is very unlikely to leave you feeling liberated but rather risks leaving you with a feeling of regret. The idea of sex with any emotional attachment as liberating, is to fail to acknowledge the need for emotional entwinement; a denial of who we are as human beings. We are all in need of love and support, so that the most likely outcome of such an outcome is to leave you empty and emotionally drained.
    Best wishes

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  5. or you could end up on the 6 pm news or in a medical clinic one day wondering whyyyy! oh dear, my age is showing, I suppose, but this idea is so unappealing given the health and safety risks. please be careful and thoughtful in the decisions you make.

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  6. The truth is that I am all talk about going out and getting shagged, but I don't think I have it in me to actually go through with it. Thinking about it and actually doing it are two different things. I do find it interesting that the ones that tell me to not go through with it, are the ones who are in stable, loving relationships. But I am longing to be wanted, loved, appreciated, even if only in a fleeting, fake and temporary scenario. I so long human touch that I will take it any way I can get it.

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  7. Hi Nova
    Reference: But I am longing to be wanted, loved, and appreciated, even if only in a fleeting, fake and temporary scenario. I so long human touch that I will take it any way I can get it.……………of course, but giving someone a hug or receiving one from someone you know you can trust can be reassuring , without the risks of seeking solace in intimate temporary fake relationships.
    In the longer term I trust you will find that longer term loving relationship you seek, but in the meantime maintain your self-esteem by respecting yourself for who you are; a beautiful young women, who does not need to succumb to faking anything. That is why so many relationships fail, because of the tug from emotional desires that understandably can override uncommon common sense.
    Best wishes

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