06 February 2015

Batting for the Other Team?

"You would have to be half mad to dream me up.” ~ Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland
I dreamt of you last night, although I do not even know you.  The only connection I have with you is that you were once married to J, who is a very close friend of mine.  Your relationship with J left very deep scars on him - scars so deep that the cuts are still very prominent on him.  I dreamt of you last night, and of your ethereal beauty.  I dreamt of your silky skin and your flawless features.  I touched you in my dream last night, my hand caressing your soft face.  I even kissed you, softly and fully on your cherry red lips, and as you pulled away from my kiss and walked away, I remember feeling lost and desperate.  I wanted you in my life, but you turned away from me, and you told me that you and I were never going to be.

I woke up feeling empty and depressed, and you had belonged to me only for a brief second in my dream.  I can now empathize how J must feel -- loving you but not having you.  His loss of you is very real.  Mine was just a dream.

Sometimes, love does hurt.

I have been frustrated recently.  In every aspect of my life.  Professionally, in my private life, in my thoughts, in my heart, and in my body.  I feel a huge influx of stresses, and I am looking for a way to release them.  Neither meditation nor exercise is enough anymore.  I was thinking of going to a bar one night, meeting a stranger, and just getting a good shagging.  I've never had a one night stand before.  I was thinking it might not be a bad time to start.  Who knows - it might even be liberating.