12 January 2015

Shameless

“It's funny, but have you ever noticed that the more special something is, the more people seem to take it for granted? It's like they think it won't ever change. Just like this house here. All it ever needed was a little attention, and it would never have ended up like this in the first place." ~ Nicholas Sparks, The Wedding
I've been talking to a few men lately.  Nothing serious.  It has all just been a lot of talking and text messaging.  I am definitely in no good mental state to be talking to anyone in any capacity, but I have to admit it has lifted my busted ego to be chased and complimented.  I realized that ever since he cheated on me, I have gone back to my old, insecure ways and have felt very undesirable and unwanted.  I post numerous self-portraits of myself on social media sites, in the hopes of getting compliments.  It has worked, and I have been receiving many messages from men complimenting my looks, and while it momentarily gives me a sense of happiness, the long term effects have not been so positive. I am left feeling cheap and low, having resorted to shameless ways to receive attention.

As of late, young men have been approaching me.  Within the last two weeks, every bloke that has approached me has been under the age of thirty.  One was even under the age of twenty-five.  We both calculated that he was born one year after I started university.  It got me thinking: why when I was twenty-four, no one my age ever appreciated me?  And more importantly, why didn't he appreciate me, when so many others now, some younger and more virile than he, are giving me the attention he stopped giving me, and appreciating me in the way he no longer felt?

3 comments:

  1. Hi Nova,
    As my late mother used to say “love many, but trust few, always paddle your own canoe”, no doubt from the sentiments of - Paddle Your Own Canoe - Sarah Bolton, 1851 -A friend she is in word and deed—
    Her interest mine is too;
    The twain are one - I still may say,
    I paddle my own canoe.
    For most people like the idea of having a “soulmate” but better to be very choosy and patent - it takes a long time to get to know someone well. Someone, deservedly, with whom you could then place your ‘’trust”.
    Best wishes

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  2. I can't answer for your ex, of course, but I can say that I - and probably many others reading this blog - appreciate you for much more than your looks.
    If all this can come through in words and pictures, then what comes through in presence must be great.

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  3. "I am left feeling cheap and low, having resorted to shameless ways to receive attention...."
    That's understandable. We all want to be valued for all that we are, both physical and non physical traits.

    "why when I was twenty-four, no one my age ever appreciated me?..."
    Most men find it terrifying to start up a conversation with woman for fear of rejection. Also, even though you've had a crappy previous year, I think getting rid of "bottle boy" has lifted off a great weight, giving you a better vibe that's encouraging guys to talk to you.

    "why didn't he appreciate me?..."
    To quote Forest Gump, "Asshole is as asshole does" or something like that. I know you're probably wanting closure so the honest truth is that the guy is a loser, a liar, and he probably needs help. I would not be surprised to find out he ends up cheating on this woman who is currently gestating his child.

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