27 June 2011

Falling

"I may be the type who manages to grab all the pointless things in life but lets the really important things slip away." ~ Haruki Murakami, Blind Willow, Sleeping Woman

(photo source: Google Images)

The lessons we remember most, are the ones that slice our heart.

Difficult lessons I learned this week:
  • Life is fragile. A dear friend of mine was diagnosed with acute lymphocytic leukemia. Fine one day. Diagnosed with cancer the next. In my young life, this is the fourth person I know to have cancer. The first three died. I feel as though as I am too young to be so familiar with cancer.

  • People are finicky. People will never remember all the three dozen good things you do, and will only remember the bad things about you.

  • I truly am alone in this world. The people I count on to always be there for me, are the same ones who disappear and become invisible.
Somewhere along the way, I lost my hold. All the people and things that used to keep me from falling, like my family, friends, work – I am losing my grip on them, and one by one, they are all disappearing from my life. I hold onto them as tightly as I can, but they are like falling sand slipping out of my reach and all that surrounds me now is emptiness and darkness.

8 comments:

  1. It might seem you can't go worse, but it's not true...God forbid it, but it can always be worse.

    Unfortunately, that too is a part of life and we all have to go through it.

    Personally, I have lost a very dear friend not long ago and I keep telling myself that it was supposed to be like that...so, my advice is to celebrate life, not moan death.

    And about your friend which has cancer, remember only the great times you had together and cheer him/her, try to make him/her feel loved and precious...he/she need that...

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  2. So sorry to hear about your friend... We've had several brushes with cancer and those close to us here too... It's such a horrible thing.
    This post hits emotionally close to home for me with pretty much every word you've written. I've been feeling so much the same lately, though I've had a bit of a struggle getting it out in words. I hope things look brighter for you soon. *hugs*

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  3. I am feeling the exact same way, Sister. Why does life have to be so hard? I'm so sorry about your friend. I'll be praying for them. Please pray for one of my friends whose cancer has spread, they've discontinued her treatment, and it's in God's hands now.

    Sometimes I feel so helpless, like I'm meant to wander around in the wilderness alone before I learn some lesson that was set out just for me. Sometimes, when we are surrounded by our support system, maybe we miss the point or whatever the grand scheme is. All I know, whatever the point is, is that it's hard not to want to hold on to those that can help to hold us up. Even if you feel alone, sister, I am confident that there will always be someone to catch you if you fall.

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  4. Nova, honey, sometimes I don't know what to do with you.

    I understand how you feel. Bad things happen. People die. People leave us.

    But the one thing we control, is how we face these losses. Over time, Ive learned we can either live life with hope or with hopelessness.

    Choose.

    Kane

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  5. I am sorry about your friend!! Nova, don't lose hope. Really! If people have disappeared it is because they were not stalwart enough to stay through thick & thin. You will find your hold again. Love you!!

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  6. Nova,

    I too wish your circumstances were different.

    I like Kane's tough love sentiments though... Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and gitterdun! You are so strong, talented and beautiful. You know what you have to do. One step at a time sweetheart <3

    Dirk

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  7. so very sorry about your friend.

    maybe it is the "holding on as tightly as you can" that creates a problem for friends. people like to feel their effort to embrace is not going to suck the air out of them. "holding on so tightly" reminds me of what is often said about someone who is drowning - how often in their terror they pull the rescuer into the depths of the drowing experience, sometimes to significant and life threatening jeopardy.

    there is something comforting about a light embrace, the air that moves beneath the cover of the wrap that keeps it warm and inviting while open and comfortable.

    just a thought.

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  8. Sorry to hear about your friend. Weird thing is I also feel alone in this world, but I have a caring family, awesome in fact, and close friends. But still do feel so alone... I don't know why I distance myself from loved ones. :\ But I feel for ya and wish ya the best.

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