02 May 2010

Miss Me

I was at my parent's house during my birthday. My mom planned a party for me, with lots of guests and an elaborate spread. I dressed up especially nicely that day and wanted to make my grand appearance in style. So, when the guests started to arrive, I did not want to be seen until I was completely satisfied with my hair, makeup and dress. I decided to hide in the backyard until after all the guests arrived before I made my entrance. I climbed up the tree house and waited for the right moment. After some time, all the guests had arrived, and my mom started to wonder what had happened to me. They all started to call out my name. I did not answer. Instead, I stayed in the tree house to see what they would do. After a few more minutes, they started to become frantic. My mom even picked up the phone to call the police. Before she could complete the call, I finally came down from the tree house and greeted everyone with a smile.

"Where were you?!?!" my mom cried.

I pointed to the treehouse in the backyard. "There," I answered.

"Well, didn't you hear us calling for you? We all started to worry!"

"Yes, I heard you," I smiled.

"So why didn't you answer then?" she asked.

"I just wanted to make sure all of you really did miss me," I answered.

(photo courtesy Google Images)

I woke up from this dream the other morning, and I felt eerily disturbed by it. I had deliberately caused an upsetting scene in my dream just to reassure myself that I was loved by my family and friends, and that I would be missed if I were to fall off from the face of the earth.

I have always had this deep-rooted fear of being left behind by those I love or of not being loved in return. Today was an especially terrible day as I wallowed in self-pity for most of the day, and I laid around the house feeling sorry for myself.

After wasting a whole day on my stupid insecurities, I finally forced myself to focus on the positive things in my life: my good health, my stable job, friends, family, and most importantly, love.

Loving others and the feeling of being loved are the most powerful cures of all. The Beatles knew what they were talking about when they said that all we need is love.
"Pray that your loneliness may spur you into finding something to live for, great enough to die for." ~ Dag Hammarskjold, Swedish Statesman

5 comments:

  1. Nova,


    Know that you are always loved!

    <3 Alleycat

    ReplyDelete
  2. i am confused. what happened to the beautifully written post i found here yesterday - was i dreaming or at the wrong blog?! i left a comment, i am sure, and now the entire thing appears to have ben a figment of my imagination!

    ReplyDelete
  3. @ alley: Thanks! I love you, too!

    @ sky: Sorry, Sky. You are not in the twilight zone. That entry was actually one that I wrote five years ago. I was in the middle of transferring old entries from another site, and I didn't realize that I had put it as a new entry here. You can find it here: http://coffeedujour.blogspot.com/2010/04/subway-reflections.html

    ReplyDelete
  4. You are loved my dear friend!!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. dreams come from many sources. sometimes they aren't meant to be taken literally. sometimes what you think you dream about is completely different than what you actually dream.
    that sense of loss and abandonment might reflect your feelings when your sister left. or it might be something completely different that happened to you as a child. or it is a fear that you have.
    the mind works miracles. sleep tight and let it do its thing...

    ReplyDelete

Share your grind!