09 May 2010

Mom

"When you look into your mother’s eyes, you know that is the purest love you can find on this earth." ~ Mitch Albom, For One More Day
When I was younger, I did not think much of my Mom. I grew up wanting to not be like her, a stay-at-home mom who had given up her teaching career to raise my siblings and me. I would watch her go about her day, making breakfast for my family, cleaning house, doing laundry, cooking, cleaning, more cooking, more cleaning, and I grew disgusted at how her life had turned out. I used to wonder if my Mom had any ambition at all for her life. Did she not want more, desire more, than to just be a Mom and a wife?

My Mom did not start to work until my sister was in high school. By then, she had been out of the work force for so long that she had to start at the very bottom. I'm not sure why, but I had been angry at my Mom for not doing more with her life. I felt as though she wasted her life just staying home and doing nothing all those years.

It was not until I was older that I realized how wrong I had been about my Mom. She was not just home and doing nothing. She had sacrificed her own dreams and ambitions to always be at home, ready and available, to care for us, nurture us, feed us, and love us. She had the most important job of all. But yet she never complained about the hours she worked, the lack of vacation time, or how she never was monetarily compensated. She just showed up, every day, with a smile on her face to encourage us to go about our own day, and she never asked for anything in return.



It is only now that I understand that she has achieved more with her life than she may have done if she had stayed with her teaching career. She took on the harder career, the one of being a full-time Mom. She successfully raised three children and even had to endure the tragedy of losing one of us. She was damn good at what she did: the best Mom I ever could have had. It is ironic how I grew up not wanting to be like her, and now, I could only hope to be like her.
“For the hand that rocks the cradle - is the hand that rules the world.” ~ William Ross Wallace

02 May 2010

Miss Me

I was at my parent's house during my birthday. My mom planned a party for me, with lots of guests and an elaborate spread. I dressed up especially nicely that day and wanted to make my grand appearance in style. So, when the guests started to arrive, I did not want to be seen until I was completely satisfied with my hair, makeup and dress. I decided to hide in the backyard until after all the guests arrived before I made my entrance. I climbed up the tree house and waited for the right moment. After some time, all the guests had arrived, and my mom started to wonder what had happened to me. They all started to call out my name. I did not answer. Instead, I stayed in the tree house to see what they would do. After a few more minutes, they started to become frantic. My mom even picked up the phone to call the police. Before she could complete the call, I finally came down from the tree house and greeted everyone with a smile.

"Where were you?!?!" my mom cried.

I pointed to the treehouse in the backyard. "There," I answered.

"Well, didn't you hear us calling for you? We all started to worry!"

"Yes, I heard you," I smiled.

"So why didn't you answer then?" she asked.

"I just wanted to make sure all of you really did miss me," I answered.

(photo courtesy Google Images)

I woke up from this dream the other morning, and I felt eerily disturbed by it. I had deliberately caused an upsetting scene in my dream just to reassure myself that I was loved by my family and friends, and that I would be missed if I were to fall off from the face of the earth.

I have always had this deep-rooted fear of being left behind by those I love or of not being loved in return. Today was an especially terrible day as I wallowed in self-pity for most of the day, and I laid around the house feeling sorry for myself.

After wasting a whole day on my stupid insecurities, I finally forced myself to focus on the positive things in my life: my good health, my stable job, friends, family, and most importantly, love.

Loving others and the feeling of being loved are the most powerful cures of all. The Beatles knew what they were talking about when they said that all we need is love.
"Pray that your loneliness may spur you into finding something to live for, great enough to die for." ~ Dag Hammarskjold, Swedish Statesman