17 June 2009

Postcards from Above

My office is right on the Broadway strip. I sometimes like to wander into the tourist shops that surround my building. I walked into one today and saw the rack of postcards near the door. 8 postcards for a $1.00. On impulse, I decided to buy a pack.

“Why not?” I asked myself. “I could always use them as decoration or maybe actually send a postcard to someone.”

I always equated postcards with vacations. Either I would receive one from a friend on vacation, or I would send one when I was on vacation. Postcards = vacation.

With the pack of postcards in my hand, I realized that I had just broken the equation I had ingrained in my head.

I then thought of the best vacation I had ever taken in my life - a vacation I had taken thousands of lifetimes ago - to a magical place by the sea, the Adriatic Sea, in a little town called Termoli.


I was invited to Termoli after I defeated an Italian competitor in the weapons division at a martial arts tournament. I placed first, and A placed second. He and the rest of the Italian team invited me to spend Christmas in Italy with them to teach my sword form. After my first breakup with S, I was so heartbroken that I welcomed the escape. I quit my job and packed up and went to Italy.

Although known for its beautiful beaches, Termoli is not really a town for tourists, and is more of a place where people actually live. It was a place where A let me grieve for S while showing me that I can learn to love again. A and I would walk along the beaches and into the historic castle fort and we would not long for the past or plan for the future. We simply lived in the moment. I stayed in Termoli with A until my money ran out and I had to go back to the U.S. to face my responsibilities and real life.

Sadly, I never did see A again, and I haven't been back to Termoli since then. He passed away a few years ago - a tragic, unexpected death, and a devastating loss for all who knew and loved him. I received a letter from his family a while ago, inviting me and G to come visit them, my family, in Termoli.

I only spent $1 on the pack of the postcards, and I got so much more than I imagined I would: a flood of memories, a bittersweet reminder of A, and the inspiration to live in the moment.

Here's to you, A. You were always my angel. I'll see you again someday.
“Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy.” ~ Eskimo Proverb

12 June 2009

Devil and Sprinkles

It’s the 12th day of June. It rained ten of the twelve days. I love rain. But too much of anything is never good.

I realized last night that a certain Verizon commercial stresses me out.

I grew up poor. We were always taught never to be wasteful. The pouring of the excess sprinkles in the commercial really bothers me. Some may find that commercial funny. It stresses me out on so many levels.

My OCD nature rears its ugly head when I least expect it – when I’m trying to relax in front of the television and a stupid commercial like that one makes me think of all the cleanup they had to do to pick up all the little sprinkles off the floor – and the thought of wasting all that good sprinkle when so many people in this world are starving.

Yeah. I got issues.

Meanwhile, here’s a photo of my little devil. She’s really not, though. She just likes to pretend she is with her little red devil horns. ♥


"Children will not remember you for the material things you provided but for the feeling that you cherished them." ~ Richard L. Evans

08 June 2009

Tough Skin

I really have to develop thicker skin.

I've been feeling really good these last few months about myself. Despite my busy schedule, I've been waking up early every morning and exercising, and I've been eating sensibly. I've even dropped down to a size 2.

Seriously, it only takes a few words to shatter one's (my) confidence.

As I passed by the reception desk this morning, the receptionist says, "Oh! Have you gained weight?"

I smiled at her and approached her desk. I thought she asked if I had lost weight. I was about to tell her my minor lifestyle changes and how happy I've been with how my clothes have been fitting, when she says, "Yeah, your face looks fuller. Have you gained weight?"

The disappointment must have shown in my face, because she quickly came back with a disclaimer.

"Oh, well, I haven't seen you in awhile, so I don't really know!"

I said, "No, I'm just always this chubby."

Now I feel like stuffing my face, because what's the point, right? After months of exercise and eating right, and people think I still look fat.

Either I stuff my face or don't eat, ever again.

I just can't win.
"It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to." ~ W.C. Fields

"A successful person is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks that others throw at him or her." ~ David Brinkley