11 May 2009

Alone

I haven’t been able to sleep well lately. There’s this gnawing, queasy feeling in the pit of my stomach that I haven’t been able to shake. There are too many things happening in my life right now, and unfortunately, none of them are good. Every day is a constant battle to stay positive, but it’s rather difficult when negative people and things are always in my path. I can only do so much cleaning and throwing out of the things in my life that cause me stress. I am down to a skeleton-crew of friends, so to speak. I’ve been burned too often and too much by everyone I trusted. I almost feel like I can’t rely on anyone except myself.

Maybe part of this funk that I am in is a result of being overworked. I work all the time. I have no financial support from anyone, and even worse, others actually depend on me for financial help. I worry about such things as my health and what would happen to G if something happened to me. My parents are getting older and my brother has his own life with his wife – I cannot rely on them to always catch me when I fall.

It's a painful feeling to know that you're alone in this world.

"It is strange to be known so universally and yet to be so lonely.” ~ Albert Einstein
"At the innermost core of all loneliness is a deep and powerful yearning for union with one's lost self." ~ Brendan Francis

8 comments:

  1. woohh.. you may be going through tough times right now. I sure do feel for you as I also had these thoughts a million times in my life already.
    hope for the best, but expect the worst. eventually the wheel of good fortune, happiness and contentment will make it's turn soon...

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  2. You can use a break; I believe without a doubt you deserve several a long time ago.

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  3. i don't suppose a vacation for yourself is in order? or a few days off? =)

    Hope things start to look up for you.

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  4. sorry you are feeling a bit tired and very alone. before i married i felt that way many times. it is part of being fully responsible for self in a big world filled with many ups and downs. i understand. i also know the feeling comes and goes, and that life can take many turns, some unexpected. one thing is for sure...nothing in life is permanent. change is the only thing you can absolutely count on!

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  5. agh...I just saw this post. I pray that you will be blessed with courage and strength when you need it most, patience and compassion during times that you need to learn, hope and faith when you feel that you've lost your way, that your days are filled with love and that happy souls surround you with positivity.

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  6. Dear Nova, I've had this feeling overwhelm me too many a time. It's scary and frustrating and makes me feel helpless every now and then. I hope you are able to one day look back and realize that it's all part of the journey to make yourself self-reliant and that good things will come to you. Maybe you need to go through this period to sort yourself out. Best Wishes.

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  7. union and reconciliation, balance and peace...we desire the same things in more than a semantic or conventional way, i think. your words echo my thoughts so clearly that sometimes i feel like we are connected by something more than the internet...haha, maybe i'm a little too imaginative, but whatever the case, here's to mending, healing, and leaving the scars alone.

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