29 April 2008

Window Woman

So, I'm minding my own business the other night, walking my dog down the block for her nightly exercise, when a woman opens her window, sticks her head outside, and starts yelling, "Hey! Do me a favor and walk your dog on another block! I don't like dogs hanging around outside the house."

As I ignore her, and almost on cue, my dog squats down to relieve her bladder.

"Oh, thank God, she's only peeing, and not taking a sh*t," I thought to myself.

"Now, see! That's not nice! Pick that up!" the woman in the window yells.

"Do you have a rag I could borrow?" I ask her, "because she took a piss and it's kinda hard for me to pick that up."

"Oh. Well, just next time, walk her down the other block, would ya?"

"Whateverrrr," I retorted.

The next morning, I walk my dog down the block, as I normally do. Out of spite, I loiter around the curb in front of the window woman's house. Ever loyal to my wishes, my dog does her thing right there, for which I praise her loudly (and so that window woman could hear me), "Good girl!"

Like a responsible dog owner, and consistent with what I always do, I cleaned up after my dog.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see the curtains ruffle in the woman's window. She didn't open her window, although I was secretly hoping she would.

I wanted to let her know that no one, not even she, can tell me where I can and cannot walk my dog. It's my neighborhood and my block, too. I'm a responsible dog owner, and I take pride in my block. I refuse to walk down another block just because she doesn't like dogs hanging around outside her house.

And more importantly, I just wanted to let her know, in my own, silent, way, "Don't.f*ck.with.me."

12 comments:

  1. good for you. i always thought you had brass balls :)

    i hate dog nazis. we have some here in our apartment complex. we received a threatening letter from management a few months ago for walking our dogs without leashes-- we NEVER walk the dogs without leashes! someone must have reported us falsely-- and it was wrong for management to take some anonymous person's word over ours. what's also annoying is that the management will only allow us to walk our dogs on certain areas of the grass (to prevent grass "burns")-- that means we can't walk on any of the wide open grassy spaces. we're relegated to the small strip of grass behind the storage units, which doesn't even have lights and is pitch black at night.

    hope your dog nazi neighbor will ease up :)

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  2. I would have done the same thing as you, only I may have been a little more outspoken to her. When someone pushes the wrong buttons around me, they suffer the wrath of Andi.:)
    Your dogs timing couldn't have been more perfect!

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  3. I remember the days, walking down the streets. NYC here I come ...
    I don't walk dogs there, but I know dogs to be walked.
    Good post.
    Cheers Z.

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  4. Well done, well done sis...

    The beauty of this is that, that lady knows you have a right and can't do sh*t about it....next time..don't even say a word and just smile and walk away....let her be on her miserable life.

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  5. hahahaha. good for you nova! i could never be that brave. :D and wow! your dog sure is smart!

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  6. Ha! You're awesome. ;D

    Good for you for sticking to your guns! It's so interesting for people to want to control the sidewalks...

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  7. I remember there was this old lady who live in a house across the street from my godmother. She would do the same thing if you parked in front of her house. She use to yell at people and if you left it, she would call the cops on you saying you parked it over night to try to get your car ticked or towed. Her reason was that your were blocking her veiw. I think she moved or died cause I see cars parked in front of her house.

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  8. wwwoooooohhhh....scary!
    hehehe...

    whats the breed of your dog?
    just wondering.

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  9. I love stories like that.
    I don't think the world
    will ever change, neighbors
    challenging each other over
    stupid sh*t.
    I've always wanted to live
    somewhere where somebody would
    open a window and invite me
    inside for a cup of tea or
    a swiggle of rum. "What a beautiful dog,"
    they might say, or "Do you
    live nearby?"
    Didn't the world used to be
    like that before tv
    and the internet? Maybe not.
    It's not a perfect world, and
    who has the time anyway.
    They only invite you in so they
    can lock you in the basement.
    Nobody cleans up after themselves.
    The moving curtains
    were your neighbor fainting.

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  10. since I don't find your e-mail anywhere, I just have to blurb it out in public: Love you and have a good night.

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  11. Old people can be pretty grumpy.

    Here in Portugal, however, dogs run everywhere without leashes and mess up all the sidewalks. Nobody seems to care.

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