25 April 2008

Someday

I met EH about thirteen years ago. He had stayed at my house for a few nights when he came to visit his son, SH, my boyfriend at the time. He was a big, but gentle, man who liked to give bear hugs and tell stories of his youth. He was an excitable speaker, and I was an avid listener, and so we got along famously. Unfortunately, he did not have such good communication with his children. SH and his two sisters all fought with him constantly. Many times I never understood why they were so angry with him. Sure, he had his little quirky ways about him, but there was no doubt that he loved his children. All three of his children, including SH, are all free-spirited individuals that do not like to be tied down to conventional ways of life. EH understood that, but that didn't stop him from giving his opinions on their hippy-like lifestyles. Sadly, his children did not appreciate his opinions, and all three of them had stopped talking to him.

Last month, I talked to SH online and asked him about his father. He told me that he had not talked to his father in two years.

Nova-san: how is your dad?
SH: Not sure... have not spoken for 2 years
Nova-san: ohhh... i thought things were going well between you two
SH: I just needed a break to define who I am as a man instead of adopting his
patterns and mistaking them for mine
Nova-san: i see
SH: Maybe someday before he dies we can try again, but he just pissed me off,
and I don't need people in my life who piss me off
Nova-san: i see
SH: life is too short, even if it is your own family
Nova-san: life is too short, and maybe that's why you should just give up your anger and call him... you don't have to be friends with him, but at least be friendly with him
SH: I have no time for people like that...Maybe someday I will have more patience

I didn't agree with SH, but what could I say? I let it go.

Yesterday, I got this message from SH:

SH: Nova-san? My sisters just called me and told me my dad shot himself yesterday. He's dead.
As I read his message, I couldn't help but think about our conversation, just last month.


"Maybe someday I will have more patience."

Sometimes, the somedays just come too late.

13 comments:

  1. Somedays always come too late.

    I'm so sorry, Nova. Hope you're holding up okay. I'll pray for you and for SH's family.

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  2. That's a heartbreakingly sad story. My condolences to you and SH's family and loved ones.

    I understand not wanting to be around negative people, even if it's family. Especially, if that somebody intentionally hurts you. When family members don't talk, there is usually a good reason.

    You're right, Nova, there are no guarantees of tomorrow. If you lose today, it becomes lost forever.

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  3. this post inspired me to call my mother tonight! it struck a nerve with me b/c i'm also guilty of becoming more and more distant from my family. whenever i feel guilty about it, though, i used to rationalize by saying 'this must be a dysfunctional family if the only way i can get myself to talk to them is because of guilt.' but your post reminded me that there really is no excuse. even if it is difficult i should keep trying to reach out to them; i should never give up.

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  4. What a sad story Nova...

    I wish EH could have found peace as well, without reaching such despair. Pain all around when there is a suicide.

    It sounds complicated and while the children may (or may not) feel guilt, they have to also find peace as individuals.

    Love when we can...

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  5. this was very painful to read. i imagine the day will come when he will wish he had tried to resolve some of what had trasnpired between them. it is all just so sad. :(

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  7. i'm sorry.

    i teared up a a bit after reading this. sigh.

    *hugs*

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  8. ryc: i totally agree - on all points. ;)

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  9. OMG, if it is the person I think it is, wow, life is too short, I feel bad, Be there for him and I know you were close to him, so just extend a helping hand.

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  10. what a sad story! Its so depressingly familiar in the world today. Please extend my condolences to Sh & his family.
    Ciara

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  11. this is one sad story.

    its too late would probably the least words i could tell to myself.

    this is indeed one lesson learned.

    i just hope SH is ok.

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  12. I'm so sorry to hear that. It's a very sad thing when people can't get over the differences they have with the people they love. The same thing happened in my family, only it was flipped around. My dad wasn't speaking to my brother when he died. To this day my dad still has never gotten over his guilt.

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  13. In the past I used to be like them...some-day this and somedays that kinda of guy......

    I always waited tomorrow...but tomorrow never came and when it came, not what I wanted...I really feel for them, never easy losing a father, no matter how bad the relationship was...

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