14 April 2008

Putting All the Pieces Together

This past Friday, I became thirty-seven years old.

I have never really liked birthdays much (my own). I love celebrating other people's birthdays, but when it comes to my own, I am anti-celebratory. My birthday has always been a time of reflection for me, and a personal gage of how much I have accomplished (or not accomplished) from year to year.

For many reasons, this birthday was one of the most melancholy that I have ever experienced. The worst birthday that I have ever had was my twenty-ninth, the year that my sister passed away, twelve days before my birthday. This birthday is a close second.

I am going through many changes in my life, many of which have been beyond my control. I have been trying valiantly to keep all the pieces of my life together, but sometimes the pieces are so misshapen, that I do not know how they can possibly fall into place. I know that eventually the pieces do fall where they are supposed to fall, but like any puzzle, the fight to find the proper fit and the frustration in doing so can take its toll.

I am doing the best that I can.

Meanwhile, I am thankful for the good things that I do have: a beautiful and healthy baby girl, a loving and supportive family, good health, and a job, despite my usual grievances, that pays the bills. And that's enough of a birthday gift for me.
Cake from Villabate

11 comments:

  1. I am doing the best that I can.
    It's all anyone can ask of themselves. I share the same feelings about my own birthday to the point I don't remember the month and day I was born. Happy Birthday. :D

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  2. happy birthday, nova!! i was relying on facebook to remind me, but i was at work all day on friday and can't log in from there.

    my birthday this january was melancholy too.

    thanks for letting me read about your journeys and growth in life over the last few years! how many has it been? at least 3 or so? i hope everything sorts into place for you and that you never, ever give up! you're a strong, rare kind of lady!

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  3. Happy Birthday Nova-San. Well for last Friday. I normally really enjoy my birthday but this year(January) was very 'blah' for me too. It must be going round. .
    I loved your cake though.
    Keep smiling, things will fall into place.
    Ciara

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  4. Life is strong, life is bold and beautiful.
    Happy late birthday wishes to you Nova!

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  5. Happy belated birthday, sister! I hope that you were able to enjoy it, at least a little bit. As long as there were some smiles, I'll be happy. ;)

    Strange, isn't it, how we want to celebrate with others but they never seem so joyful when they're our own birthdays? I wonder why that is...

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  6. happy birthday! =)

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  7. Happy birthday! Your cake looks lovely (and delicious), I hope you enjoyed it!

    And I think you ended this post on the right note--there's beautiful little person who wears pink dresses and looks up at you and calls you 'mom' or something similar. How lucky can one gal get?! :)

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  8. Happy Birthday! :) I hope you got a few smiles out of it. Doing everything that we can, is all that matters. That beautiful little girl of yours knows more than anyone, that you're wonderful. :)

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  9. we need to celebrate don't know if we will ever not get a chance too!!!

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  10. and u got me my bi**h

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  11. Anonymous6:21 pm

    happy belated birthday nova. i hope that this year brings you everything that your heart desires. we all struggle in one way or another... so i hope the new year also brings you many life assuring moments to free your mind and give you many happy spots in life. sorry to hear about your struggles with your daughter's sister. that's a real shame. your heart will heal for this too. sending you big hugs and kisses - sanouk

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