17 February 2017

There Can Never Be Too Much Love

“Yes, I'm adopted. My folks were not blessed with me in the usual way. But they picked me, they chose me, from all the rest, which is lots more than most kids can say.” ~ Shel Silverstein, Every Thing on It
G has been depressed lately.  I often find her staring off into space, and when I ask her how things are going with her, she tells me that she feels sad "for no reason."  I get worried that she might have inherited my dour disposition. 

As a result, I have been thinking a lot about adopting.  I just have not decided if I will adopt another child, or perhaps rescue a dog.  I know, I know.  A child and a pet do not compare, but both will require love and attention.  

Isn't love the antidote to depression?  I feel for G, living her childhood with just me, and growing up without ever knowing what it is like to have siblings or even a pet to love and bond with her.  Because she is an only child and only has me to talk to all the time outside of school, I feel as though she is mature beyond her years, and has skipped much of the innocence and playfulness of childhood.

If we had another child with us, someone she could grow up with, bond with and love, she might not feel sad anymore.  I had little time to feel sad when I was growing up because I was too busy playing with, bonding with, and even fighting with my siblings.  I want the same for G.

I am also open to rescuing a dog.  She loves dogs as much as I do, and it is proven that pets do wonders for one's health and emotional being.

Whether I decide to adopt another child or rescue a dog, both will add to my already stressful and hectic lifestyle.  But I am willing to endure whatever additional hardship it will bring to my life because I know that love is always worth it.

13 February 2017

Foul

“When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, "Why god? Why me?" and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'” ~ Stephen King, Storm of the Century: An Original Screenplay
I was in a foul mood this past weekend.  I felt angry and irritable and as though nothing was going right.  To further intensify things, I had to work this weekend, giving me little to no time to decompress.  I found myself folding laundry and doing housecleaning at 9:00 p.m. last night and I was so exhausted I wanted to cry. 

Somehow my thoughts wandered to negative thoughts, and I started to think to myself, "People who say 'God is good' clearly have never had anything bad happen to them."

My relationship with God has not been the best, to say the least.  I do believe in God.  I just do not believe that He is necessarily in my corner.  The last time I prayed for something, He turned around and gave my dream/wish to the other woman.  Suffice it to say, I will not be asking Him for anything anytime soon, lest He give it to someone else.

The anniversary of my sister's death is coming up soon.  I remember clearly how I prayed so hard for her not to die.  We all know how that turned out.  

Then, I prayed and pleaded with God for another baby.  I even underwent fertility treatments and spent thousands of dollars and tears, only to end up watching the other woman give birth to a beautiful baby.

I realize that I sound like a whiny and annoying woman, but sometimes, I just cannot control myself.  I feel badly though when I see someone who is homeless or who has much less than I do.  It does help put things in perspective and I am humbled and realize how foolishly ungrateful I am for the things that I do have.

But I am only human, and I have to allow myself to feel these negative thoughts, let it out, and move on.

06 February 2017

State of the Nation

“The greatest patriotism is to tell your country when it is behaving dishonorably, foolishly, viciously.” ~ Julian Barnes, Flaubert's Parrot
Politically, I am neither right nor left.  I do not even like the idea that government is so heavily involved in our day to day lives.  I believe that every person should be personally responsible for their own life - be self governing.  

I do not believe that the government should be able to tell me what choices I have to make about my own life, such as whether I should or should not be allowed to have an abortion, or whether I am allowed to purchase guns.  The less involvement of the government, I believe, the better.

Am I happy that Trump is the President of the United States?  Absolutely not.  Am I going to riot in the streets, wreck and damage buildings, or have a meltdown because he is the president?  Absolutely not.

And it is not that I am apathetic either.  It's just that I do not want that to be the focus of my relationships with people.  I had to distance myself from "friends" on Facebook because there was too much rhetoric coming from both sides.  My "left" friends fighting with my "right" friends - there was even one entry where I posted a picture of Melania Trump and I had commented about how classy she looked during the Inauguration and a debate ensued between the two sides of my friends.  I have been categorized and de-friended on Facebook -- all because of politics.  

It's an ugly, ugly world out there, and I don't want to be a part of it.  I want to read about the lives of my friends.  I want to see their family pictures and hear about their day.  I don't want political news posted and re-posted.  That is not why I signed up for Facebook, and I certainly don't want to see your profile picture changed to the Obamas or the Trumps.  I want to see you, not them.